I think a lot of people are taking issue with the wording “but it was not me… was not a person I knew,” claiming that it’s simply functioning as an excuse for something you’d done wrong, but I think I understand the feeling. Obviously, you didn’t go into much about things outside of that relationship, but the simple fact of the matter is that when we’re unhappy, that unhappiness can manifest in awful ways and we do things that, in perfectly normal situations, we wouldn’t.
Is it a healthy way of handling a problem? No, of course not. But that doesn’t detract from the fact that it is a very flawed, very human reaction to situations. Often, it’s easier to play the role of the villain than it is to have an honest conversation because when somebody is angry with you — and especially when they’re justified in that anger — they do all the work. They do all the talking.
There’s also something to be said for disassociating, sort of letting the mind float and wander while the body goes off on its own and does its own thing while we watch it confusedly through a pane of glass separating our eyes from our brains.
I think owning up to this is important and brave, because when something like this occurs in also incurs the wrath of a group of readers who are also wholly in deniable of their on fallibility as human beings. Good on you for writing this.