The bombastic failure of GrubHub’s free meal promotion highlights the biggest issues in the restaurant industry — and why restaurant workers aren’t returning — There is a sound that haunts my dreams. It sounds like a cowbell, only tinnier. More electronic. Artificial. In this instance, the cowbell is not a prescription — it is a disease, a weapon of insanity. The GrubHub order notification.¹ Now, take that cowbell, and multiply it by 6,000. Effectively…

Cars are an expensive necessity, and they can put lower-income workers in serious debt. Yet, we don’t have a viable alternative. — You’ve likely heard about the national shortage of used cars, rental cars, and car parts. In many cases, this shortage has led to price hikes — the result of a disastrously low supply and exceedingly high demand. Despite this, car ownership has continued to be a mainstay of American life…

Secret world rulers admit to getting carried away and apologize vehemently — In a recent press release, representatives from the Illuminati admitted they “never thought we’d make it this far,” emphasizing that they “are truly sorry” and “are working emphatically to reset everything.” The Illuminati officially formed on 1 May 1776 in Bavaria, though overtime they have merged with several other secret…

Don’t let people undervalue and use you for their personal gain — My favorite reality TV moment is from Dragon’s Den, where two men sought £125,000 for a 10% equity share of their direct-to-consumer water filtration device. The pitch was already off to a rocky start, but it truly nosedived when one of the men, Barry Ritchie, argued they could afford to…

Warning: Don’t try this at home. — It can be useful to emulate the style and routines of your idols when you’re in a creative rut. Let me tell you, I’ve been in the ruttiest rut that ever rutted, and I needed a way out. Thankfully, the daily schedule of one of my favorite prolific authors, Hunter…

The crowds, the noise, and the unfamiliarity were overstimulating, but the worst part was being told my feelings were selfish. — I was having a terrible time after I graduated college. I lost my job, was in a severe car accident, was in a relationship hanging on by a thread, my mom had just suffered a mental breakdown and was in the psych ward, and I had no clue what I…

Talking about these might put a target on my back… — Every week, I host a comedy/conspiracy podcast with my friend, which means I’ve spent a lot of time researching conspiracy theories over the past month. If I’m being honest, I was worried I’d find theories so compelling I’d start to believe them. What if, during my research, some of the…

Outgrowing relationships doesn’t erase them from the past. — When you’re young, you don’t appreciate things the same way you do when you’re older. Among these under-appreciated things are art and irony. In middle school, I was in a band with my friends. We weren’t very good, but we had fun playing The Beatles, Weezer, Nirvana, and Green Day…

What could be better than an exclusive club full of wealthy crypto-bros? — Gary Vaynerchuk, the loud-mouthed bad boy of motivation, is a crypto-bro now, and he’s a huge fan of NFTs. Gary started out selling his father’s wine online, made a few good investments, and spends most of his time appearing on different podcasts, making videos for his online audience, and getting…